If you’re here because you want to learn how you can become more confident in the bedroom. You’re also probably going to turn to Google to look for answers, right?
Well, this is likely going to show an array of results, all created by other men, who aren’t experts; meaning any advice is limited and somewhat incorrect.
You’ll have seen the types we mean, they’ll state the answer lies in coffee beans from the depths of Brazil.
Now, we aren’t slating it entirely, there is a time and a place for this sort of thing. However, don’t ask us, because we aren’t sure where this is. Any kind of confidence is not something you can just believe in existence. Especially when you’re not able to pinpoint why it’s misplaced, to begin with.
Where the magic happens, usually in the bedroom is where your confidence, or lack of it, is more evident. As surprising as this may be for some, “fake it til you make it” is not going to help you here.
It is rumoured that in order to keep your partner happy, you need to be someone that is full of sexual confidence. This is therefore why faking it is not the way.
The recipe for a long-lasting, healthy relationship is one where you can share happiness, be honest and show your vulnerable side too.
In order for you to gain the right kind of sexual confidence, it’s gotta be done the right way. Typically, the first thing to understand is what is going on in your head.
Sexual confidence: what is it and why do you need it?
It’s rather simple really, sexual confidence is the confidence you have when in a sexual situation. You then also have sexual self-esteem which is the value you allow yourself as a sexual being.
When you’re wanting a healthy and functioning sexual relationship/sex life, sexual confidence and self-esteem are vital traits.
These are important because any negative attitudes towards your sexual confidence or sexuality can have an impact on your mental health.
There are several elements that may affect your sexual confidence. Some of us suffer from low sexual confidence because of issues with our body image and therefore feel self-conscious about our appearance.
Then, there is the potential for other problems such as premature ejaculation or other sexual dysfunctions which can also create confidence issues.
Our weight, height and fitness level are all common topics of discussion between us guys, however, junk size is also something quite openly talked about.
For one reason or another, it has become common thought for sexual confidence and bedroom performance to be based on the size of a man’s penis, and whether it’s “big enough’ to satisfy.
The causes of low sexual confidence
Studies have shown that low sexual confidence can manifest itself in many ways. The cause of this is mostly related to a lack of self-confidence and other concerns linked with sexual interactions or perhaps rejection by a partner.
Sexual anxiety, sexual fear and sexual depression are all common dimensions of “sexual self-concept”, this simply refers to how we view our sexual selves.
So, even though your lack of sexual confidence could be linked to sexual dysfunction or something else, it’s partly irrelevant. If you feel that you’re not going to make your partner happy, then you’re clearly not in the correct mindset to enjoy a sexual encounter.
How you can become sexually confident
Sexual confidence can come from many things. However, none of these can be available to you until you address the problems that withheld your confidence, to begin with.
It may be a concern about the size of your dick or something related to body dysmorphia. Although, the problem could also be an unaddressed performance issue or sexual anxiety. Irrespective of the issue, you’ve got to get them under control.
Now, we’ve got some tips below for you to work through, all of them are important for you to gain sexual confidence.
Work out your body issues, even the minor ones
A highly beneficial action you can take towards rebuilding or enhancing your sexual confidence is to address any physical symptoms that are causing you harm.
It kinda goes without saying that hitting the gym and losing weight aren’t small, overnight tasks. However, if your confidence were to improve from making some healthy changes, then you’ve got to admit, that’s a good use of your time and efforts.
You may be someone that is suffering symptoms associated with the likes of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, the best thing to do is visit your doctor and talk things over. By doing this, they can help get to the cause and discuss treatments.
Whilst we know it can be an awkward topic to talk about. It is also really important to address conditions like ED (erectile dysfunction).
If these issues went unresolved, it could lead to avoidant behaviour and even a loss of interest in sex, potentially damaging your sexual confidence even further.
Making changes to your diet and exercise routine could resolve all of these issues and would do wonders for your physical, mental and sexual well-being.
Additionally, treating health conditions like ED has been seen to hugely improve confidence, as once the problem is solved, there is nothing stopping you from getting your freak on.
Overcome mental blocks
This may come as a surprise to some of you, but the key to great sex is understanding that it’s a two-way street. Anyone you’re forming a relationship with needs to be a part of the solution.
We’re not sure how clear we can be with this, but, communication is everything. Talking through all of your anxieties, fears and worries can allow you to feel more confident in the bedroom and more connected with your partner.
Any confidence issues you’re struggling with may also be aggravated by rejection or a lack of interest from a partner. However, it is really important to recognize that this is not a reflection of your attractiveness; our age and changing hormone levels can cause even the most eager partners to not be as ready to go.
Also Read: Could ED be an early warning sign?
Learning to accept this is just part of love and not letting it affect your self-image is a part of sexual confidence.
As we’ve already mentioned, it’s really important to remind yourself of this, on a daily basis if you need to. Communication and sexual satisfaction are very closely linked, and studies have shown connections between communication issues and intimacy.
A vital key to overcoming relationship problems is compassion. If or when you’re feeling anxious, share this with your partner. They are likely to respond well, with love and help you work through what is making you feel this way.
We mean this in a good way – Fake it til you make it
Now, yes, we mentioned earlier that faking it won’t work and isn’t effective, but that’s not the case for everything. There are many things you can do with your behaviours and habits that will improve your sexual health and confidence.
Practising these things will likely make you feel more comfortable and rebuild your confidence. A good and loving partner will listen to you and give feedback and validation without judgement. By doing this, they take the taboo out of your body image and health concerns.
Maybe consider being direct with your partner about what it is you want, and ask them what they like. This could be anything from simple techniques to exploring fetishes and kinks. Something like this works for new relationships and those who have been together a long time. It allows us to explore each other’s bodies and desires.
When it comes to it, being confident is all about how you bounce back after experiencing rejection and other setbacks.
Even if you were to have a bad night in bed, it’s not a criticism on your character or self-worth. You’d still support the same soccer team even though they lose the occasional game, don’t you?
However, what is a reflection of character is how you respond to these setbacks. It’s easy to tell what a person is like, depending on whether they move forward, or give up.
So, we now know that sexual confidence isn’t about being a God’s gift to women or a big macho man. These days women are looking for more than that in a prospective partner, and let’s be honest, it’s kinda cringy.
Sexual confidence today is all about having a good, healthy sex life. But also, living your life to the max, all whilst respecting your partner.
Well, then, if that is what you’re looking for, your next step would potentially be to speak to your doctor.
Doing this will open up treatment options for you so you can become your best self. Whether you’re experiencing a physical problem like ED or premature ejaculation, they’re there to help.
One last thing to note is that sexual confidence isn’t something you earn, it’s something you find or regain… you never deserved to lose it in the first place.
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