When it comes to long term relationship sex, if you’re wondering how sex in a long term relationship should be, you’re probably not having sex enough.
Whether there’s less adventurous sex in your relationship, or you’ve noticed a slow decrease, it’s totally natural to wonder how sex and long term relationships go together.
Here are 10 truths about sex in a long term relationship. Let’s go!
1. We tend to have lots of sex at the beginning of a relationship
When we first hook up with someone, sex is fun, exciting and pretty steamy. There tends to be a lot of sexual energy between partners, making exploring each other’s bodies sexually thrilling.
As we start to date someone, just the thought of seeing them naked can turn us on. So, as we get to know each other’s bodies some more, we feel a surge of feel-good bonding chemicals. The sexual connection can grow as we fall in love with someone, making sex a lot more meaningful than a one night fling.
That initial sex hyperdrive during the first months of a new, exciting relationship is incredibly fun, as we explore physical intimacy with a new partner.
However, as those sexual urges drift off a little and everyday life gets in the way, there can often be less sex in a relationship. But if you’re wondering, when does sex slow down in a relationship, I’m afraid there is no pivotal point we hit that makes us experience less sex together.
2. Sex in a long term relationship improves happiness
According to studies, sexual satisfaction improves relationship satisfaction. Generally, sex improves a relationship, but it can depend on the individual couple and their sexual needs.
Research has shown strong links between a good sex life and happiness in a long term relationship. So although we’re more likely to be getting down and dirty at the beginning of a relationship, long term relationship sex can help keep your bond strong.
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Let’s face it, it kinda depends on how important sex is in a long term relationship, for you. While many of us are happy with having sex a couple of times a month, not all of us are having sex this often.
According to studies, having less sex in a relationship can increase the chances of a breakup. But sex in a long term relationship isn’t all about the sex itself, but due to a lack of communication with your partner. One study found that great sex can help to offset any negative effects of communication issues – with the two going hand in hand.
While we all love an orgasm, we need communication in our relationship to have a healthy, active sex life.
3. Experiencing less sex in a relationship is a normal feeling
There are many things that can impact our desire to have sex. When we first get into a relationship, it feels easier to find time to have sex and explore new things together. But naturally, life can get in the way.
Our interest in sex can result in less sex in a relationship, through no fault of our own! The reason for not feeling so frisky could be down to a number of things:
- Lack of sleep
- Stress
- Hormone changes
- Mental health challenges
- Self confidence and body image
- Relationship troubles
- Side effects of medication
- Life changes (such as a new job, house move or new baby)
It’s normal to not always feel in the mood for sex, relationships and sex can be tricky to juggle, especially when everyday worries and stress get in the way.
4. Low sex drive can be due to larger relationship problems
Sex is great, but it doesn’t solve everything. Often a lack of sex drive is due to larger relationship problems that we may be trying to ignore.
Also Read: Porn induced ed: Can porn kill your boner?
If you or your partner have lost interest in sex, it could be that there are other things going on between you that you’re simply brushing under the rug.
To help identify what else is going on in your relationship, try to have an open conversation about worries and concerns you may be having. Less sex in a relationship can be due to many things, include underlying problems between you and your partner.
But don’t worry! You can get your sex life back on track by taking the time to talk over any problems and checking in with one another. Communication is key!
5. Both men and women handle low sex drive in long term relationships
Despite stereotypes and what we lead ourselves to believe, men don’t necessarily want sex all the time (honest!).
As we age, relationships and sex can start to change, especially as natural ageing happens and testosterone levels decrease. This can have a huge impact on our libido. We don’t love our partners any less, or find them less attractive, but lacking sex drive is a natural occurence in many men, and women.
6. We may not feel in the mood for sex, but we do enjoy it
Sure, our sex drives may have changed, but people experience desire in many different ways. Some of us need to feel physically aroused prior to having sex, while many of us have spontaneous desire to get down and dirty.
Responsive desire – Our bodies responding to physical arousal, such as being kissed, caressed or foreplay
Spontaneous desire – Randomly finding ourselves in the mood for sex, without any physical arousal
Let’s face it, guys, in our early 20s we would happily have sex at every opportunity. But less sex in a long term relationship is a common occurrence, with our desire to have sex often dwindling due to a variety of factors.
So while lots of sex at the beginning of a relationship is great, many of us expect this to change gradually as our relationships continue. But what does responsive and spontaneous desire really mean for long term relationship sex?
Also Read: 9 health benefits of sex for men
Well, just because you’re not gagging for it every hour of the day, it doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy it when you’re mid sex session! Having a curious mindset is just one of many ways to improve sex in a long term relationship.
7. A low sex drive doesn’t mean “doing it” just because
When we’re in a long term relationship, sex can start to feel less exciting and more routine. But that doesn’t mean you have to jump in the sack when your sex drive is low. Having sex with your partner when you have a low libido isn’t going to help your relationship – and if anything, you’re less likely to enjoy it.
According to research, having sex to avoid feelings of guilt for disappointing your partner can actually result in less sexual and relationship satisfaction.
However, another study in 2014 reported that those who felt more motivated to meet their partner’s sexual needs experienced more drive to have sex with them. When it comes to having a low libido and less long term relationship sex, there is no right or wrong! But you should never feel inclined to just “do it” anyway, despite your low drive.
8. Not all sex sessions have to be spontaneous
Although there’s often lots of sex at the beginning of a relationship, as we venture into a long term relationship, we don’t necessarily have to have sex in the same way. Although everyday life can get in the way of your sex life, slightly more planned sex is still sexy and exciting.
Sure, you don’t need to be working to an exact schedule or writing it on your calendar, but making time for sex in a long term relationship is very much important! If there’s less sex in your relationship, don’t worry, less spontaneity doesn’t mean you can enjoy sex with your partner.
Instead, have some fun building up the excitement and anticipation for sex. Whether you’re sexting or sending naughty pictures ahead of your sex session, or simply thinking to yourself what you can’t wait to get up to later.
Then again, it doesn’t always have to be about sex itself. Make time for date night and go back to basics together. When the pressure of intercourse is removed, you can have fun and spend time making out! This gives you both the chance to experience all kinds of physical pleasures that can also feel good.
9. Healthy (and sexier) sex is a shared experience
Sex shouldn’t feel like a tug-of-war between partners desiring – or not desiring – sex. This sort of dynamic creates quite a negative energy in your relationship, killing any desire there and then!
Instead, sex in a long term relationship should be a shared experience that is fun to explore together. If you feel as though you’re stuck in a rut, with less sex in your relationship, speak up about it. Take the time to talk to your partner about any concerns, and explore new sexual desires together.
Clear the air between you and discuss any concerns you both may have. Once you’ve spoken up about your relationship and your sex life, it will feel a lot easier to gain that drive back without the pressure.
10. Sex in a long term relationship can be hot, sweaty and sexy
Who says that long term relationship sex can’t be hot, sweaty and passionate? Nobody. It’s easy to assume that our sex drive fades as our relationship goes on, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Sex with a long term partner can still be as hot and passionate as it was at the very beginning! Your sex drive and sex life don’t need to decrease in long term relationships.
In fact, the more you know each other, the more trust and bond there is between you both. Use this to your advantage to explore new sexual experiences together, if you feel as though your relationship could do with a little extra spice!
So, how important is sex in a long term relationship?
Sex isn’t just fun, hot, or sweaty, it is also important for a healthy long term relationship.
A healthy sex life helps to build a strong bond between you and your partner, as well as build trust and help keep the passion between you alive. Making time for one another is crucial, despite the everyday hiccups and stresses we all face.
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